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hi everyone

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i’m farheen and i’m here in victoria

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british columbia

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the unseated territory of the la cuangan

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speaking peoples

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i’m sharing a video with you today about

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some recent works

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that i’ve done and new work that is

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emerging from that

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and the audio clips that

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uh run throughout the video are from

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conversations

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that i’ve had with friends that share my

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process

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thanks and i hope you’re well

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when world events are happening how can

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how can i not

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be moved by them and how are they not

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coming to my practice thinking about

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george floyd

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brutalized in that way

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i also think about the places where

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violence systemic violence plays out in

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the

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intimate spaces of my home and when i

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read that

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that he cried out for his mother

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i um yeah i think it immediately touched

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for me

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the pain that i have around my own

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mother

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and this

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and her body being this refuge

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and i think as i have this

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tender or tenuous moment in my

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relationship with aisha

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like i feel like my mother more and

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i had this moment where i was just doing

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something with my hands

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and i didn’t see my own hands when i was

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doing it

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i see her and i feel her i think that’s

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where it feels

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hard for me is when i see the

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the disdain or the kind of distance

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which is very normal for an adolescent

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and i experience that with my own

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daughter

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i’m put right in that place of that

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distance with my mom

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[Music]

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the latest performance work that i did

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with

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the lentil floor work

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that is a way for me to uncover

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and kind of come face to face with the

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way that patriarchy

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racism colonialism has affected my

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relationship with my mom and it just

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brings me a lot of pain

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what i’m trying to do is i want to like

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i’m opening up

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this really old and kind of painful way

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that i saw you i’m trying to make better

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and she’s like now that you’re a mom you

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understand

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you know i grew up in a world that

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honors what men do

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and so i never wanted to be like you and

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i

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so i in this artwork i want to do

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something that

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shows that i want to put to rest

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and say goodbye to this old way of

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knowing you

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but this work comes from our time

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together

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and i wouldn’t have thought about this

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work if

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you know you and i if you didn’t cook me

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doll all the time

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and if we didn’t like we sat together

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and like we’re sifting yeah sifting

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lentils

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she’s cooking we’re talking and i’m

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interested in all the languages

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that are happening between our bodies or

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within our bodies

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that aren’t spoken

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one of the ways that i’m trying to

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understand my own practice and

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understand myself

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i think it’s part of the work of

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decolonizing myself

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how does it course through my veins how

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does it live

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in my memory in my dna

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and how how

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are these ways of knowing and these kind

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of forces

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actually moving through me and being

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acted out or acted upon me

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i think whether it’s from you know the

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years that i’ve spent doing dance

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but also my meditation practice i know

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there’s so much held in my body

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this is this is a reconciliation for me

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on a very personal level i want to be in

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good relationship with my

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with the place that i live and the

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people that i live in community with

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i want to be in good relationship with

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the ancestors of this place

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and that means i have a responsibility

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to

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learn and listen that work

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led me right to my family but it’s like

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go

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home do your housekeeping it’s like we

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all turn up in other places

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with these ravaged home lives

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and then we’re just kind of spreading

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the mess everywhere

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so i really see being engaged

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in reconciliatory conversations and been

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instrumental in really saying yes you

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need to do this housekeeping of your own

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it’s not just where i am now but i go

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back to honoshami territory

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and and i went to niagara where i grew

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up

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and i had this real sense of like grief

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around this incredible

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body that held me that nourished me i

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just up and left

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and i don’t think i could have had that

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experience

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if i hadn’t done and try to continue to

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do the work

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of making some kind of

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like good arrival every day on the quang

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territory where i live

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the work that i’m imagining is like this

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like a love letter to my auntie and to

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the niagara river in the falls looking

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at the metaphor of the folds of the sari

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seeing this group of women as

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the water and seeing the water in them

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i’ve had in my mind to make this large

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bar of soap

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for many years and i was like what am i

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going to do with like i was kind of

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thinking of it as like a social practice

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project and then i’ve been having these

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fairly challenging conversations with my

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dad

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a lot of my choices have been difficult

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for my father

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how i manifest our culture and how i

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live it and my family life and

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you know how i dress at the same time

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that he has kind of these

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pains and disappointments i’ve been

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trying to reckon with

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keeping my heart open with this person

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who i

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love and have deep respect for all the

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kind of

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pain and suffering that he’s gone

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through and

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holding him to account in a

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in the kindest way possible yeah which

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doesn’t necessarily mean

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verbalizing things but finding my

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ground and not colluding to the power

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structure that

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exists in the family and

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you know and how to not be a transmitter

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of ongoing violence

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and i think i think i keep

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doing this work and i’m trying to find a

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symbol

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or some other ways to talk about this

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and so then just just the other day i

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was just vacuuming

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so you know i’m just doing this really

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mundane task so like i write and i write

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and i think and i’m doing images and

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then i just like

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okay just do the housework or whatever

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and pay attention to it i’m vacuuming

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and then i was like oh i need to

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wash my hands with abu

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i think it’s important to take care of

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myself and oneself

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when things are hard but then to go back

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because if you

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you know whatever it is we don’t face

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the thing

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there’s no opportunity for

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transformation so i think like i’m

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trying to create the set of rituals

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a set of conditions that we

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move through that transforms into

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something else

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you

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